I have been beginning a new chapter, as happens from time to time, season to season.
I am in awe of what comes to me when I yearn for It. When I wait actively for It. When I prepare myself to be ready so when It comes I say Yes. And when It appears I am blown away by how much It knows what feeds me, who I am, the details of what I most need to be nourished and nurtured. And It is so much more than I ever could have imagined or asked for if left to my own devices.
Enough of the cryptic. In plain words, a week ago I was in a state of anxiety over money. Lack of it. Where it was going to come from and what that work would look like.
About 3 years ago, I made a deal with the universe, that I would never pursue a job at the expense of my spirit. That I would throw myself into my god given talents and that by continuing to show up, do radio, write, produce, host, use language and facilitate communication, if in exchange I would be lead to learn to monetize my innate nature, and support my self in this way.
Sounds good. A bit hippy dippy, but really it should be doable with all the need for content and marketing on the internet. I got some gigs. Some regular clients... but not enough and I was beginning to despair.
Last week, I was fretting. Thinking about going back to The Workplace. Recalling former employers, jobs and the awful sensations of depression and systemic devaluation that went along with those experiences for me. I was re-traumatizing myself to the point that, if I was to walk into an office and do clerical work, I am sure it would trigger an anxiety attack, effect my performance and become a self-fulfilling prophecy in which I would sabotage the quality of my work.
And. That. Scared. Me.
sometimes a job is a job and you just have to do it. sometimes money is the medicine you need. just shut up and do it. everyone else does. what's wrong with you? 43 and living off your widowed mother in her retirement.... And so the voices continued.
The connection I had made a month prior with a business owner looking for someone with not only my skill set, but a passion for doing what I do... this contact asked me to come in and talk about working with her on projects that involve: hosting and producing podcasts, conducting radio interviews, using social media and creating web content, writing, press releases... In short, she wanted someone with my talents, and more importantly someone who loves doing these things. After a 45 minute conversation, she invited me to start the day after Labor Day. As it happens, over 500 applicants had responded to this job posting. I was stunned at the ease of how this just happened.
That was a fit. But the It that knows my soul, also manifested that I work with a veterinarian practice... where there are dogs and cats and animals, and the good people who make them feel better and keep them healthy. It a place of joy. And it honors the owners in their times of grief as well. They have a physical rehabilitation center where dogs learn to walk again. This is part of the MORE that I never could have thought to ask for in my life. Moreover, they want to integrate yoga for the staff after work a couple days a week. Wow! How cool! A place that puts priority on balancing the physical and mental with the daily needs of workplace. Double cool. Oh - and, she saw my excitement and said - perfect, you can teach it. Huh! Go figure, my old yoga practice that I was missing and wanting to integrate is now right here in my lap! My checklist for going to work includes, yoga mat, block and strap. Rad!
So. I am breathing in all this abundance. Taking in the scope of my new projects and diving in fast. Saying Yes and coming up to speed with a team that is on fire with cranking out projects deadlines and a company that is growing in so many different ways simultaneously. I am learning a ton. And, I am grateful for the It that knows Me better than i do. This is a faith walk as much as anything. I am being shown that sticking to my intuition is paying off. It has my back. I just have to show up.